1
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:24,679
So, this fella walks into a pub
wearing nothing but a hospital gown.

2
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:27,359
He walks up to the barman,
and he says, "Give me four pints,

3
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,439
five tequila shots
and a bottle of wine."

4
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:30,839
The barman serves him.

5
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,799
The fella lines all the drinks up,

6
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,639
and he downs them
in quick succession.

7
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,479
Afterwards, he says to the barman,

8
00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:39,439
"I shouldn't have done that,
not with what I've got."

9
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,119
And the barman goes,
"Oh, no, what have you got?"

10
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,639
And the fella goes, "About �3.50."

11
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,999
LAUGHTER

12
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,199
That's all he had!

13
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:51,039
I'm here all week, folks.
I'm Frank Mann.

14
00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:52,199
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

15
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,519
Eh?
Paco!

16
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,239
I've got a great one
for you now, right?

17
00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:59,119
There's a monkey and a hippo
and an elephant on a desert island.

18
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,079
Hey, hey!

19
00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:03,759
Vince, you old tart!

20
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,039
Aww! Oh, careful!
SHE LAUGH

21
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,839
So, how was your flight?

22
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,559
You see I paid for extra leg room?

23
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,839
Yeah, only cos
my agent made you, eh? Oh!

24
00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,239
You haven't met my wife, have you?
Not this one.

25
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:21,039
Babe, can't we just, erm,
go back to the hotel?

26
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,079
No, no, no, I wanna see Frank.
Eh?

27
00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:27,119
Talking of pubs,
oh, I went into one the other day.

28
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,639
Horrible, it was.

29
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:33,159
It was called The Fiddle,
ladies and gentlemen, awful pub.

30
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,839
In fact, it was a vile inn.
HE MOUTHS

31
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,599
LAUGHTER

32
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,399
A violin. See?
LAUGHS

33
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,559
So, how are the tickets selling?

34
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,999
Oh, like hot cakes, Vince.

35
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,039
I mean, we might have to do
a little bit of extra press,

36
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,479
you know,
just to get us over the line.

37
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:50,879
It's all good.
Whoa!

38
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:52,639
Look at this, ladies and gentlemen.

39
00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:55,239
We have a celebrity
in the Laughter Lounge tonight,

40
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:59,079
presenter of Quiz Bang,
Vince Starky!

41
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:00,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

42
00:02:01,111 --> 00:02:03,199
Yes.

43
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,719
Vince is playing five nights
at the Benidorm Palace.

44
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,879
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
And I've seen him live,

45
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,959
and I can tell you...

46
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,239
I've had more fun
passing kidney stones.

47
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,959
LAUGHTER

48
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,959
I've had more fun standing on plugs.
FRANK LAUGHS

49
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,679
We have a fantastic act for you
next, ladies and gentlemen.

50
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:25,959
Please put your hands together for
Andy Morgan and his amazing organ.

51
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,240
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

52
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,559
Thank you, son.
So, what have we got?

53
00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:37,719
Hen do's at the back.
Nan's been on the gins.

54
00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,279
Perfecto. I'll get a good
ten minutes out of them later.

55
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,600
Frank Mann.

56
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,239
Can I have a quick word?
Course you can.

57
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,239
FRANK AND VINCE: Velocity.
FRANK LAUGHS

58
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,919
Hello, mate.
Hello, Vince.

59
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,999
Good to see you.
Oh, this is my wife, Vienna.

60
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,759
She is smiling,
she's just, er, topped up the Botox.

61
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,319
Maybe wave your hands so that
we know you're laughing, eh, love?

62
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,440
Say something funny, I might.
LAUGHTER

63
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:03,839
Chris.

64
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,919
Bloody hell. How you doing, kiddo?

65
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,759
I'm all right. What you doing here?

66
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,319
Five sell-out nights
at the Benidorm Palace, apparently.

67
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:15,199
I meant in here.
I wanted to see you, and your dad.

68
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,719
Would you mind?
Oh, yeah, course, love.

69
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,039
No, not you.
Eh?

70
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:20,279
I'm a huge fan.
Oh, no.

71
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,330
Course sweetheart.
All right, here we go.

72
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:24,920
CAMERA CLICKS

73
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,010
Thank you.
All right. You're welcome.

74
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:32,799
Can we talk?
I'm back on in five.

75
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,640
Please, it's important.

76
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:37,079
All right.

77
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,239
Son, keep Vienna company.

78
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,359
Try out the new routine
you've been working on.

79
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,960
Shall we?

80
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:51,239
So, are you a comedian as well,
then, or...?

81
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:54,720
Yeah. I do more
kind of observational stuff.

82
00:03:54,721 --> 00:03:59,159
I was at the self-service checkouts
the other day, what's that about?

83
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:00,960
Please don't.
OK.

84
00:04:05,231 --> 00:04:08,879
Do you know
what they're talking about?

85
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,560
Probably bollocks.

86
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,280
IN SPANISH:

87
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:40,280
Joder!

88
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:42,360
Got drunk with him once.

89
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,959
1997.

90
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,999
Children in Need's after-party.

91
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,159
Ended up in Stringfellows.
CHUCKLES

92
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,759
With Pudsey.

93
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,639
TV: 'Mr Starky
had only been in Spain a few hours,

94
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,439
'having arrived
to play a run of stand-up shows

95
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,239
'at the Benidorm Palace.'

96
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,959
'Mr Starky was a much-loved
celebrity in the UK,

97
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,359
'and we want to assure the public

98
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,399
'we will have our best people
working on this.'

99
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,559
'Can you tell us more...?'

100
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,200
Good luck with that!
DOOR OPENS

101
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,359
Well, this is
an unexpected surprise.

102
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,199
All surprises
are unexpected, Dennis.

103
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:21,519
Hm. So, are you here
for my brains or my body?

104
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,319
Cos I'm open
to a two-for-one kind of offer.

105
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,399
I think I was clear
that will never happen again.

106
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,279
Are we talking about the sex
or the case that I solved for you?

107
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:29,479
You got lucky.

108
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,039
You threw a dart like a drunk man
wearing a blindfold,

109
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,599
and somehow,
you hit the bullseye.

110
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,639
And are we talking about the sex
or the case that I solved for you?

111
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,000
The case. The sex was adequate.

112
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,119
Adequate several times, from memory.

113
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,479
However, lucky as you were,
it is true that you displayed

114
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:50,479
an ability to see things
that perhaps others might miss.

115
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,239
Well done.

116
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:54,799
I can appreciate how hard
that must have been for you.

117
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,319
There's a lot of pressure on this
case, and I have no detectives.

118
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:02,439
And, look, I just want you
to come and look at the crime scene.

119
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:06,159
Weird, I'm sure you said
if I ever poked my nose

120
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,799
into police business again,

121
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,119
you'd shut my miserable
little pub down.

122
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,710
You know, you really need
to sort out those toilets.

123
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,010
What's going on?

124
00:07:15,011 --> 00:07:17,759
I'm afraid if you want Danger Mouse,

125
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,279
you're gonnae have to take
Penfold as well.

126
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:21,560
We've got a new case?

127
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,960
Jesus, la puerta!

128
00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:52,159
What? I'm a human doorstop now?

129
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:53,480
Yes.

130
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:58,359
So, this guy is a comedian?
He was a comedian.

131
00:07:58,360 --> 00:07:59,839
Do you have to be so pedantic?

132
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,999
No, I mean he was a comedian, and
then he just presented game shows.

133
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:07,199
What shows?
Quiz Bang. Luck Be A Lady.

134
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,519
It was the '90s.

135
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,360
Guys, I can't hear you!
Puerta!

136
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,040
There's blood in his hair.

137
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:24,359
Madre mia, que fuerte.
Big cut on his head.

138
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,200
He must have been hit
with something very big and heavy.

139
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,879
Dennis.

140
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,040
Come and look.

141
00:08:34,191 --> 00:08:36,279
Dennis?

142
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,519
I agree. He was hit
with something big and heavy.

143
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,200
What are you looking at?
Something big and heavy.

144
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,300
What is it? What's going on?

145
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,240
I just found the murder weapon.

146
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,239
The paint's faded
cos it was kept outside.

147
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:26,759
Why keep a fire extinguisher
on the roof? Good question.

148
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,599
To use as a doorstop.

149
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,199
Like we did with Jesus.
Exactly.

150
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,559
Only, I imagine this is better
in an emergency.

151
00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:36,000
Guys! Can someone open the door?

152
00:09:36,001 --> 00:09:38,599
Doesn't mean it's the murder weapon.

153
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,479
If it's not the murder weapon,
why chuck it off the roof?

154
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:45,120
But if it is the murder weapon, how
did they stop the door from closing?

155
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,879
That, I don't know.

156
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,719
The killer would have locked
themselves in the crime scene.

157
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:54,439
This is basically every episode
of Jonathan Creek!

158
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,480
It's actually quite hot up here.

159
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:02,040
I suppose we should help him.
Hm, yeah. We should.

160
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,039
Who owns this place?

161
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,839
Vince rocked up at eight,
we had a drink,

162
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,319
had a bit of a chat about business.

163
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,959
You were promoting his gigs
at the Benidorm Palace?

164
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,199
SCOFFS

165
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,839
I put the whole thing together
myself, sweetheart.

166
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,239
So you were making good money?

167
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,199
Well, I would of.
I mean, it was an absolute sellout.

168
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,239
Did you ever go up on the roof?

169
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,879
God, no. I don't do heights.
CHUCKLES

170
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,159
And when Vince came to the club,
was he alone?

171
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,959
Vince, alone? No, never.

172
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,559
He had his latest wife in tow,
what-do-you-call-her?

173
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,759
Erm... Er, Venezuela.

174
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:43,399
Actually, it's Vienna.
We've only been married a few weeks.

175
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,119
This was meant to be the start
of his comeback.

176
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,079
So you checked in here at the hotel

177
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,199
and went straight
to the Laughter Lounge?

178
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:53,160
Vince wanted to talk to Frank.
About what?

179
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:58,119
He wanted to tell me he had cancer
somewhere private.

180
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:02,079
On the roof?
No, in his prostate.

181
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,759
No, I mean where did he tell you?

182
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,479
Hm! Out the front of the club.

183
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,839
What happened after that?

184
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:12,159
Well, he went back to his hotel.
I went back inside.

185
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,079
What time did you leave?

186
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:17,999
Mm. The show finished at 11.
I had a drink.

187
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,599
And then me and Chris went home.

188
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:20,720
Chris?

189
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,240
Frank's my dad.

190
00:11:25,401 --> 00:11:28,599
What do you know about last night?

191
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,080
Mm. Nothing.

192
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:36,519
The bloke, the one who died,
came in, and then he left.

193
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,999
That's all I know.
I didn't really talk to him.

194
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,050
Thirsty?

195
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,599
Mm. Bricking it.

196
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,919
Ziggy's just told me I've got
my first stand-up gig tomorrow.

197
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,360
Following after your old man.

198
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,959
You any good?

199
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,119
He's about as funny
as a turd in a sandpit,

200
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,520
but I promised Frank
I'd put him on the bill.

201
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:03,359
So now you have to cancel all of
the Benidorm Palace shows, right?

202
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,239
Well, I've got no choice, have I?

203
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:09,399
Jim Davidson offered to step in,
but I'm not that desperate.

204
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,020
What time did you leave the club?

205
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,279
God knows. I'm normally half-cut
way before closing.

206
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,480
SMOKE ALARM BEEPS
Every bloody time.

207
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:29,599
At what time did you leave
the Laughter Lounge?

208
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,919
Er, about half past eight.

209
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,199
After Vince went outside
to talk to Frank.

210
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,550
And you came back here to the hotel
with Vince?

211
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:42,440
Yes. I, erm... I went to bed,
but he went to the bar.

212
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:47,199
When's the last time you saw him?
Just after nine.

213
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:52,519
Er, sorry to interrupt.
These are from... Bobby Davro.

214
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:53,599
Who?

215
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:57,319
HE CHUCKLES
Just put them with the others.

216
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:58,999
Sure.

217
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,479
Why do you think Vince was keen to
tell you about his illness?

218
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,639
I think that's what happens
when you get ill.

219
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,439
You don't wanna put anything off.
Here, Frank.

220
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,400
Oh, I'll put it with the rest.
I thank you.

221
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,470
Other than Ziggy, does anybody else
have a key to the club?

222
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:20,680
Yeah, Paco. Yeah, the doorman.
He locks up every night.

223
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,880
He found Vince on the roof.
Shaken him up a bit.

224
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,279
Nunca habia visto un cadaver.

225
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:31,000
"I had never seen a dead body."

226
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,719
Touch your hand.
"I touched his hand."

227
00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:39,439
His skin red from the sun.
"His skin was red from the sun."

228
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:42,159
But it was cold.
"But cold."

229
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,319
Frost.
"So cold."

230
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,519
I said no.
"I said no."

231
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:46,559
No.
"No."

232
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,720
You can't be dead.
"Don't be dead."

233
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,079
But it was too late.
"But it was too late."

234
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,440
He was dead.
"He was dead."

235
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,719
And what time
did he lock up the club?

236
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,079
What time did you close the club?

237
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,879
At two in the morning.

238
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,639
And 2am.

239
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,759
When was the last time
he saw Vince alive?

240
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,919
When was the last time
What did I see him alive?

241
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:11,039
Maybe at...
at eight thirty.

242
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,959
Around 8:30.
Out with Frank.

243
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,679
He was outside with Frank.

244
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:18,479
Now I know that the angel of death
will haunt us all.

245
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:22,119
"Now I know we are all haunted
by the angel of death."

246
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,239
And what were they talking about?

247
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:25,500
What were they talking about?

248
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,199
They were arguing.

249
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,559
"They were arguing."

250
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,519
Vince was very agitated.
"Vince was very agitated."

251
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,039
But with a lot of life.
"Very animated."

252
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,119
What to do with the body
lifeless on the roof.

253
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:41,199
"Unlike the lifeless husk
"I found on the roof."

254
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,759
And there definitely couldn't
have been anyone else on the roof

255
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:44,839
when have I found the body?

256
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,639
And I'm sure there was no one else.
on the roof?

257
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:52,199
No way. There was no one.
It was just the two of us.

258
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,520
No.

259
00:14:53,521 --> 00:14:57,159
The door to the roof.
How did he keep that open?

260
00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,020
How did they keep the door open?

261
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,639
The engineer had
a toolbox.

262
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,999
"The engineer had a tool box."
Mm.

263
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,039
Why do you ask so many questions? "Why
are you asking so many questions?"

264
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,639
Estais locos?
"Are you crazy?"

265
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,719
Un hombre esta muerto.
"A man is dead."

266
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,319
Ay, Dios mio.
"Oh, my God."

267
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,639
Aun puedo ver su cara.

268
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,279
"I can still see his face."

269
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,320
EXHALES SHARPLY

270
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,479
Who's Carla?
No-one.

271
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,480
I knew it!
You have a secret lady friend.

272
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,879
What's this?
This is the window of death.

273
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,959
The last person to see Vince alive
was Vienna, just after 9pm,

274
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,439
and the club was closed
at about 2am.

275
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,439
So at some point during this time,

276
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,920
somehow, Vince got on the roof
and someone killed him.

277
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:09,199
So who's your money on?
It's too early to make guesses.

278
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,239
Oh, come on. You saw the same as me.

279
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:15,359
Oh, I see, you wanna be all clever
and do your little show-off.

280
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,159
Go ahead,
what did you see that I missed?

281
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,239
Well, Chris, the son, drinking
like a fish to steady his nerves.

282
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:25,160
The bloke, the one who died,
came in, and then he left.

283
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,239
That's all I know.
I didn't really talk to him.

284
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:32,759
Never used the victim's name.
Classic sign of a guilty conscience.

285
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,559
Maybe.
But he was nervous for his gig. Mm.

286
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,199
Then Ziggy, the old lush.

287
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,999
Said she rarely went on the roof,
but... I don't believe her.

288
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,079
SMOKE ALARM BEEPS
Every bloody time. Ugh.

289
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,119
Lighting up in her office
set the smoke alarm off,

290
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,879
so I think she did go to the roof.

291
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,239
How do you know that?

292
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,639
Did you not see the black marks
on the wall

293
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,319
where she stubbed her fags out?

294
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,999
Why would Ziggy kill Vince?
He was about to make her a fortune.

295
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,759
I'm only pointing out
the discrepancies in her story.

296
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:04,559
Obviously, Vienna was lying.
Obviously.

297
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:06,959
And you came back here
to the hotel with Vince?

298
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,519
Yes.

299
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:12,319
I, erm... I went to bed,
but he went to the bar.

300
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:15,439
She said she went to bed, but did
you not see the mark on her wrist?

301
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:19,280
Sorry to interrupt.
These are from... Bobby Davro.

302
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,479
Who? Just...
put them with the others.

303
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:28,000
She had a stamp for Cheeky's
Foam Disco from the night before.

304
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,639
Why would she lie?

305
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,320
Don't tell me you didn't see that?

306
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,150
Stop asking questions
you already know the answer to.

307
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,639
So what next?

308
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,239
Well, I think another pint.

309
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,999
I think it's important to tell you

310
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,359
that I am currently finding you
very irritating.

311
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:48,879
Tomorrow, we'll go
and talk to Frank,

312
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,050
see what the argument with Vince
was about.

313
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,040
RINGING TONE

314
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:11,079
VOICEMAIL: 'Please leave a message
after the tone.'

315
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,280
BEEP
Carla, hello.

316
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:15,879
Er, sorry it's late.

317
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,759
I just wanted to
wish you a happy birthday.

318
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,160
So... happy birthday.

319
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:23,960
It's your dad, by the way.

320
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:30,439
Anyway... if you ever wanted
to give me a call,

321
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,000
it would be good to hear from you.

322
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,559
I'd like that.

323
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,320
So... Yeah. OK.

324
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,400
PHONE RINGS

325
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,160
Benidorm Volunteer Police Service.

326
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:24,319
I just got a call
from an insurance company

327
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,199
asking for more information
about Vince Starky's death.

328
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,119
Wife already cashing in
the life insurance, is she?

329
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:33,199
No, not his wife.
Ziggy, the comedy promotor.

330
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,720
She took...
CRUNCHING

331
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:48,679
She took out event insurance on
Vince's gigs at the Benidorm Palace.

332
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:52,839
'His death means she's set for
a big pay-out.' And?

333
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,560
It's a motive.

334
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:58,399
Well, the gigs were making her
a fortune already.

335
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,759
Killing him doesn't make sense.

336
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,720
'Thanks, though.'
DISCONNECT TONE

337
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,999
So, who remembers Salt and Shake?

338
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,559
You remember them?
MOUTHS ALONG

339
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,479
Them crisps that you had to add
your own salt to?

340
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,559
What's that about, eh?

341
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,319
Why do I have to
do their job for 'em?

342
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,919
What next,
a packet of crisps that just comes

343
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,239
with a raw potato inside the bag?

344
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:34,290
Can we have a word?

345
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,239
Uh... Er...
That was really nice, pal.

346
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,320
Why don't you take a break, eh?

347
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:43,680
Good lad.

348
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,039
We know you and Vince
argued last night.

349
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,320
What was that about?

350
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,479
Me and Vince have kept a secret
for the last 30 years.

351
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,200
That he was really Chris's dad.

352
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,479
How did you know that?

353
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:06,910
Well it was just a hunch, based on
the fact they look exactly the same.

354
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:12,040
You saw that too, right, didn't you?
Yeah. What happened?

355
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,199
Me and Vince were a double act
back in the day.

356
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,039
We called ourselves
Half Rice Half Chips.

357
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,239
They called us
a poor man's Little and Large.

358
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:22,639
And which one were you?

359
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,800
Oh, funny.
What are you two, The Krankies?

360
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,839
Father and son,
but actually, they were married.

361
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,759
Never mind. Go on.

362
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,519
Anyway, we did one summer
at Butlin's Minehead.

363
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,279
Yeah, it was great days.
Me and Vince were banging the...

364
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:41,519
We were... were sleeping
with the same Redcoat, Linda.

365
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:42,839
Yeah.

366
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,719
I mean, these things happen.
We were young.

367
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,399
But me and Linda ended up
falling in love,

368
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:51,679
only to find out that she was
pregnant with Vince's kid.

369
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,399
How do you know
that it wasn't yours?

370
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,679
Well, I'll spare you the details,

371
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,159
but, er, I had a very serious bout
of mumps as a kid.

372
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:05,199
My testes swelled up to more
than four times their usual size.

373
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,719
I mean, from this angle,

374
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,079
looked like
a one-eared space hopper.

375
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,439
Thank you
for sparing me the details (!)

376
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,439
I mean, I have always fired blanks.

377
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,799
But Linda,
she still wanted to keep the baby,

378
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,239
and I realised that, well,

379
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,519
it was probably my last chance
of being a dad,

380
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:24,439
so we all agreed together,
as a three,

381
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,959
that me and Linda
should raise the kid as our own

382
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,159
and nobody else
needed to know the truth.

383
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,839
I mean, not even our Chris.

384
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,199
And you never told him?

385
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:37,079
And then Vince went off to do telly.
I carried on working the clubs.

386
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,399
Me and Linda split up, and then
Chris went to live with her.

387
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,279
So why now?

388
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,519
Why did Vince want Chris to know
the truth after all this time?

389
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:49,559
I think being ill scared him.
He said he wanted Chris to know.

390
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:53,119
But I'd only just got him back
in MY life, you know?

391
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:55,279
Telling Chris the truth
would have ruined all that.

392
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:59,359
Yeah, and I told Vince as much.
It got a bit heated.

393
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:01,559
B-But I was compering the show,
you know?

394
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,150
I've got a room full of people
that can tell you that.

395
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,719
I never saw Vince again
after that moment,

396
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,880
and that is the God's honest truth.

397
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,719
So Vince was going to set off
a big truth bomb.

398
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,039
Maybe he was killed to keep quiet.

399
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,400
KNOCK AT DOOR
What are you doing?

400
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,330
Just taking a wee keek
before we leave.

401
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,959
"Keek"? What is this?
You can't just make up words.

402
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:38,030
You know, maybe for the next
few minutes, we just don't talk?

403
00:23:43,571 --> 00:23:49,359
You know, Frank says a roomful
of people can vouch for him,

404
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:51,439
but he was only the compere
of the shows,

405
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,079
so he was only introducing the acts.

406
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,799
Plenty of time
when he was not on stage

407
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,239
when he could have killed Vince.

408
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,320
His alibi means nothing.

409
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:03,799
Help me find the key for this.

410
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,119
DISTANT BUZZING

411
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,480
What's that buzzing?

412
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:10,840
I dread to think.

413
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:12,970
Eurgh.

414
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:15,840
No.

415
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,320
Eurgh!

416
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,959
BUZZING INTENSIFIES

417
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,040
Surely you wash it after you use it.

418
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,199
SHE SIGHS

419
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,960
Ah-ha. There it is.

420
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:39,879
So what do you think about Frank?
He could have killed Vince, right?

421
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,080
Maybe. But then there's Vienna.

422
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,720
Please can we leave?
HE BLOWS LIPS

423
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:54,159
Why Vienna?

424
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:58,280
Because she's the brand-new wife,
and Vince was worth a few bob.

425
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:00,839
Really, Dennis?

426
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:05,519
What a tired old stereotype,
the gold-digging wife.

427
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,439
Maybe she married him for,
I don't know, love?

428
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,200
Maybe she's already a millionaire.

429
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,790
Well, if she wasn't before,
she certainly is now.

430
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,840
And we need to know
what she was doing last night.

431
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,519
We should speak to Jackie.

432
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:22,080
Who's Jackie?

433
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:25,720
This is Jackie.

434
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:31,719
You're in my light.

435
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,720
Jackie, this is Dennis.

436
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,280
SHE SIGHS

437
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,319
Apparently, you know the word
on the street. What?

438
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,039
We need some information.
What is he saying?

439
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,599
We were wondering if you knew
anything about Vince Starky.

440
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,679
Oh, waste of money.
I sold three tickets.

441
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,610
You were selling tickets
to his show?

442
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,640
I sell tickets to all the shows.

443
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:01,839
Who is Messy Nessy?

444
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:05,879
Like Sticky Vicky,
but not so classy.

445
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,840
So Vince's show wasn't selling?

446
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,130
Is he all right?

447
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,319
He looks like a hot bollock.

448
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,480
He's fine. He's from Scotland.
Where?

449
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:18,839
Never heard of it.

450
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:22,119
Jackie, did you say that Vince's
show wasn't selling any tickets?

451
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:23,319
Ziggy said it was a sellout.

452
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,919
Sellout? Pfft!
CHUCKLING: Oh, no.

453
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,199
Oh, so you do understand
what I'm saying?

454
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,639
What?

455
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,320
Seriously? What is her problem?

456
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,199
RINGING TONE

457
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,199
VOICEMAIL: 'Este es el buzon
de Maria Hernandez.

458
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,759
'Deja tu mensaje
despues de la senal.'

459
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,599
BEEP
Er, Maria, hi, this is Dennis.

460
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,279
I'm gonna need something from you,

461
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,999
the CCTV footage
from Vincent's hotel for last night.

462
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,999
Oh, and a photograph of you in the
bath coquettishly holding a loofah.

463
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,279
That last one is crucial

464
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,439
if we're gonna have any chance
of solving this.

465
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:08,720
OK. Thanks.

466
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,159
So, I spoke to
the box office manager.

467
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,319
Vince Starky had sold
less than 25% of his tickets

468
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,079
for his five-night run.

469
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:18,959
So the man who hosted
Celebrity Quiz Bang

470
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,039
is no longer
a big box-office success.

471
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,359
It means Ziggy was about to lose
her deposit.

472
00:27:23,360 --> 00:27:25,439
She would have owed the theatre
thousands of euros.

473
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,510
That's on top of the thousands
of euros that she already owes.

474
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,559
So now what?

475
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,639
Well, I don't know about you,
but I'm pretty hungry.

476
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:35,999
Ooh, yes, let's get sushi.
Or a Chinese?

477
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,919
Sushi's like Chinese, but healthy.

478
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,199
Chinese is like sushi, but nice.

479
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,879
Come on, Dennis, just open your mind
a little bit. For me?

480
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:45,440
TV PLAYS

481
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,200
Postmortem results.

482
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,960
Victim died of blunt force trauma.

483
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:01,639
Mm.

484
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:05,039
Gone right off that.
We got the CCTV from the hotel.

485
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,999
It shows Vince and Vienna return
to the hotel having a big argument.

486
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:10,879
About what?
There was no sound,

487
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:12,879
but we got a lip reader
to translate.

488
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,040
Here's a transcript.

489
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,159
Vienna - I can't believe
you're doing this.

490
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:22,759
Vince - please, babe,
this is important to me.

491
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,239
Vienna -
you said when we got married

492
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:26,879
it was just gonna be me and you.

493
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:30,919
He'll move in with us,
and I'm not sharing you with some -

494
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,039
expletive deleted -
lanky - expletive deleted -

495
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:36,399
streak of - expletive deleted,

496
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:41,079
expletive deleted,
expletive deleted - piss.

497
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:42,580
Do you know what this is about?

498
00:28:46,451 --> 00:28:50,879
Vince told you the truth
about Chris, didn't he?

499
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,279
That he was his real dad
and wanted to be part of his life.

500
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:55,919
Yeah. So?

501
00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:59,000
"So"? It's motive.

502
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,239
The CCTV showed you
get out of the lift,

503
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,359
but Vince goes back down
and exits the hotel.

504
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:05,559
Do you know where he went?

505
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:09,319
He said he was going to get
another drink. And you?

506
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,079
You said you went to bed.

507
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,159
I...
Don't bother lying.

508
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,919
I left a perfectly acceptable plate
of pork balls for this.

509
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,159
You went out, didn't you?

510
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,799
I wanted some fun.
That is not a crime.

511
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:23,919
I mean, you know what it's like,

512
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:27,759
us young guys,
we like to make party, yeah?

513
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:29,480
Not really.

514
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:33,479
Did you see Vince again
after he left you at the lift? No.

515
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,399
Because there's a theory
kicking about

516
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,239
that you only married Vince
for his money,

517
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:39,039
and when you found out
there was someone else

518
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,319
you'd have to share it with,
you followed him to the club,

519
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:42,799
got him onto the roof and killed him

520
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,319
before he could tell Chris
the truth.

521
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:48,639
Then you went out and drank your
guilt away at Cheeky's Foam Disco.

522
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,839
Well, let me give you
another theory -

523
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:52,239
that I went out to unwind,

524
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,199
as people do
at a foam party disco and casino,

525
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:56,799
and when I woke up the next morning,

526
00:29:56,800 --> 00:30:00,359
I found that the love of my life
had been brutally murdered.

527
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:01,839
And to make matters worse,

528
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:05,440
I am accused of killing him
by some weird Scottish homeless man.

529
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,360
What do you think?
Maybe just have a shave.

530
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,679
LAUGHTER

531
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:20,799
And she says, "Why do you think
I chose the pink ones?"

532
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,160
LAUGHTER

533
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:25,759
Who here likes a curry?

534
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:27,519
CHEERING

535
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,359
I love a curry, me. Oh, yeah.

536
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,479
My favourite is chicken Tarka.

537
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:34,959
It's like a chicken tikka,
only a little 'otter.

538
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:36,759
Eh?
LAUGHTER

539
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:39,119
Right, then,
first act out tonight

540
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:42,359
is a young comedian just setting out
on his comedy career.

541
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:43,999
He's a brilliant talent,

542
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:47,279
and I'm proud to say,
ladies and gentlemen, my son.

543
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,479
AUDIENCE: Aww.

544
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,479
So with that in mind, please give
a big Laughter Lounge welcome

545
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:52,999
to Chris Mann!

546
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,360
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

547
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:00,320
Chris Mann.

548
00:31:00,321 --> 00:31:05,599
Kids, eh? When they're little,
you just wanna eat 'em, don't you?

549
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,199
But when they grow up,
you wish you had.

550
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,319
LAUGHTER

551
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:10,999
Chris?

552
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:12,500
Where the bloody hell are you?

553
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:18,400
Thought you had a gig?

554
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:21,410
It was me.

555
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:24,640
I killed him.

556
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,920
Now, in your own time, just...
tell us what happened.

557
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:48,119
Dad... was on stage.

558
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:49,240
I'm behind the bar.

559
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,640
I look up, and I see Vince
has come back in to the club.

560
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,199
And he told me
he wanted to talk to me.

561
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:01,079
Said it was important,
it had to be somewhere quiet.

562
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,800
So I told him to meet me
up on the roof.

563
00:32:03,801 --> 00:32:06,439
Had you been on the roof before?

564
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,239
Er, yeah. Yeah, we...
We take our breaks up there.

565
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,199
Just as a matter of interest,
how did you keep the door open?

566
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:13,519
We used a fire extinguisher.

567
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:14,920
Oh...

568
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:18,480
Please go on.

569
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,519
Vince said he wished
it didn't have to be like this,

570
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:26,999
but once he realised he had to tell
me the truth, he couldn't settle.

571
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:28,160
It had to be now.

572
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:32,070
He said the gigs in Benidorm
meant nothing to him.

573
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,240
The real reason he was here
was for me...

574
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:38,400
...cos I'm his son.

575
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:43,880
Then what happened?

576
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,350
I just couldn't get my head
around it.

577
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:53,279
All these people in my life
who are meant to love me...

578
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:54,440
were liars.

579
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:57,880
My whole life, they'd been liars.

580
00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:04,320
Then Vince said something like,
"This is a good thing..."

581
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:08,360
...and I just flipped.

582
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,040
I went mental, proper raging.

583
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:14,439
Don't touch me!

584
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,519
This is a good thing.
For who?

585
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:18,239
'And I pushed him.

586
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,720
'Just once, I swear.
It were only once.'

587
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:24,080
CHRIS SNIFFLES

588
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:26,800
I panicked.

589
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:30,640
And then I ran.

590
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:35,710
And then when I heard the next day
he was dead...

591
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,760
I... I just couldn't say anything.

592
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:43,200
HE SOBS

593
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,039
Hey, don't cry.

594
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,680
I meant arrest him.

595
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:03,719
So you just pushed him?

596
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:07,080
You didn't whack him over the head
with the fire extinguisher?

597
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:09,479
No.

598
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,319
Hey, you can't be right every time.

599
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:13,959
There's something else
going on here.

600
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:15,560
Dennis, he confessed.

601
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:18,960
Turn the TV on, watch your sport.

602
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:22,920
I'm sorry, Dad.

603
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:27,239
It's all right.
It's all right, pal...

604
00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:30,440
Hey, it's gonna be all right.

605
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,720
MUSIC PLAYS

606
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,520
PHONE RINGS

607
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:17,399
Carla. Hi. Hello.

608
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,679
'No, sorry. I'm Sam.

609
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:22,439
'Carla's boyfriend.'

610
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:25,680
Oh. I didn't know Carla
had a boyfriend.

611
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,159
How long have you guys been
together?

612
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:30,640
'About two years.'

613
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:33,520
Right. Well...

614
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:36,280
...nice to meet you, Sam.

615
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,450
Hey, you and Carla
should come to Benidorm.

616
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:42,159
'Yeah...

617
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:45,170
'So, Carla wanted me to call
and ask you not to ring her again.

618
00:35:46,240 --> 00:35:47,320
'Sorry.'

619
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:51,040
Well, there you are.

620
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,160
Is this coming from her mum?

621
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,719
'I need to go. Sorry.'

622
00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:01,080
DISCONNECT TONE

623
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:10,720
TV PLAYS

624
00:36:11,311 --> 00:36:16,799
'Figures from across
the British entertainment industry

625
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,359
'have been paying tribute
to Vince Starky,

626
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:21,959
'whose death police say
they are treating as suspicious.'

627
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:23,400
TV STOPS

628
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:03,879
Toque su mano.
"I touched his hand."

629
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:05,999
Su piel roja por el sol.

630
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:07,560
"His skin was red, from the sun."

631
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,319
What is it?
This is wrong.

632
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,079
Vince was still alive
hours after this.

633
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:26,799
How do you know?

634
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,560
Because the dead don't burn.

635
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:34,000
What?

636
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:51,559
OK, here's a joke.

637
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:55,879
What do a murderer
and a crap comedian have in common?

638
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:58,119
They both perform a terrible act.

639
00:37:58,120 --> 00:37:59,360
Might nick that.

640
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,159
Vince had an overwhelming urge
to put things right

641
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,879
because of his cancer diagnosis.

642
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:09,160
So he told Chris
that he was his real dad.

643
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:11,639
Hang on, he said what?

644
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:16,200
Chris got angry, pushed Vince,
who fell back and hit his head.

645
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,079
You killed your dad?
No, he didn't.

646
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,479
But you literally just said
that Vince was his dad!

647
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:25,319
He was. But Chris didn't kill him.

648
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:27,639
Is anyone else confused?

649
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:31,679
When Vince's body was found,
his arms were red with sunburn.

650
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:35,439
But in a photo taken the night
before he died, his arms were fine.

651
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:40,359
Meaning he must have been alive
on the roof when the sun came up.

652
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:41,599
How do you know that?

653
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,199
Because dead people don't sunburn.

654
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,439
I know, right?!
Every day's a school day.

655
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:49,639
After Chris pushed Vince,
he might have looked dead,

656
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:51,920
but he was only unconscious.

657
00:38:53,720 --> 00:38:55,799
Paco locked up the club at 2am.

658
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,359
He thought everyone had gone.

659
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,290
But someone
was still in the building.

660
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,279
You were in so much debt

661
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:11,239
you had to give up your apartment
and sleep in your office.

662
00:39:11,240 --> 00:39:12,519
The Benidorm Palace gigs

663
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:14,870
were supposed to solve
all your problems, but...

664
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:18,920
...Vince just wasn't
the box-office draw he once was.

665
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:24,679
SCOFFS
Oh, that is hilarious.

666
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:27,519
That is the funniest thing
I've heard in years.

667
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,119
Not surprising.
I've been to your club.

668
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:30,560
Hey, all right, mate.

669
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,639
When the sun came up
the following day,

670
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:37,279
Vince was still alive, still lying
on the roof where he fell.

671
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:41,399
And he stayed there,
burning in the sun,

672
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:44,679
until Ziggy came out onto the roof
for her first fag of the day.

673
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:46,639
Come on, you don't know that.

674
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:48,839
No, but I can make
a pretty good guess.

675
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:51,999
You couldn't smoke in the office
cos it set off the alarm,

676
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,250
and there's black circles on
the wall where you stubbed them out.

677
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:58,519
Deductive reasoning.

678
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:00,799
Actually, it's
inductive reasoning, because...

679
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:01,960
Dennis...
Sorry.

680
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:07,080
Anyway, when you got out there,
you found Vince.

681
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:12,719
Bloody hell, what happened to you?

682
00:40:12,720 --> 00:40:14,359
HE GROANS SOFTLY

683
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:17,480
Hang on, hang on,
I'll-I'll get you some help.

684
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:21,999
And then you realised
this was an opportunity.

685
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:25,439
Vince's gigs weren't selling.
You were gonna lose the lot.

686
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:29,519
But if Vince died,
the event insurance would pay out.

687
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:33,480
And there he was,
half dead on your roof.

688
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,079
Nobody knew
you were in the building.

689
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:40,639
If he died,
all your problems would be over.

690
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:42,799
You just needed to make sure he did.

691
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:43,850
THUD

692
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,919
He probably
didn't even know you were there.

693
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,120
IN SPANISH:

694
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:03,199
After you killed him, you
had to get rid of the murder weapon.

695
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:04,919
And, in a panic,
you threw it off the roof.

696
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:07,719
But without the doorstop,
you were locked up there,

697
00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:09,160
at the scene of your own crime.

698
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,479
So you called an engineer out
for the air-con

699
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,999
and gave them Paco's number
to open up.

700
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:17,760
IN SPANISH:

701
00:41:19,720 --> 00:41:21,460
Then you took your chance to escape.

702
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:30,520
What a bloody mess.

703
00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:33,840
I knew I should've booked
Joe Pasquale.

704
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:45,240
Mind, it's a long time
since I've been in a pair of these.

705
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:04,479
LAUGHTER

706
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,759
So, in Benidorm,
we have a lot of tourists.

707
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:08,520
Hands up if you're on holiday.

708
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:14,599
Have you noticed how the new
tourists look just like zombies?

709
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:17,319
They're all staggering round
in packs,

710
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:21,959
all white and pale with dark eyes,
on the hunt for cheap beer.

711
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:23,439
LAUGHTER

712
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,639
Invasion
Of The Boddingtons Snatchers...

713
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:28,719
Where are you from, madam?

714
00:42:28,720 --> 00:42:30,879
Blackpool? Is this your husband?

715
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,680
I think that's what they call
unconditional love.

716
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:36,919
You have kids?

717
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:38,199
No.

718
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,270
35 years, ladies and gentlemen.
Give them a round of applause.

719
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:44,079
Thanks for your help.

720
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,439
Technically, I only asked you
to look at the crime scene.

721
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:48,060
You know you're not getting paid.

722
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:52,079
Justice is the only reward I seek.

723
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:55,440
No, it's not. You asked
for a picture of me in the bath.

724
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,559
That's optional.
Could be the shower.

725
00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:01,000
THEY LAUGH

726
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:06,080
What about you, you got kids?

727
00:43:09,240 --> 00:43:10,440
No.

728
00:43:11,720 --> 00:43:12,960
No kids.

729
00:43:12,961 --> 00:43:16,759
Ladies and gentlemen, you've got
a cracking night of comedy

730
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:18,799
in store for you
at the Laughter Lounge tonight.

731
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:20,879
Thank you, all.
I've been Chris Mann.

732
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:23,120
Have a good night.
CHEERS

733
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:26,520
Look at him, eh!

734
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:29,920
Told you. Well done, kidda!

735
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:32,959
That's my son.
HE CHUCKLES

736
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:34,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

737
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:50,160
I've got a big surprise
for you guys!

738
00:43:50,161 --> 00:43:53,359
This has made the whole
weekend magical.

739
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:55,479
SHE MUTTERS PRAYER
"Need your help."

740
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:57,279
Estupendo, another case!

741
00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,479
Do you really think
it was one of her friends?

742
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:01,959
Listen to me,
if you know what's good for you,

743
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:03,559
you'll keep your mouth shut.

744
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:04,919
This is so cool.

745
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,039
Are you some kind
of special investigators?

746
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,639
We are simply trying to help the
Spanish police find who did this.

747
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,999
We're looking for information.
About the Irish woman?

748
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,799
What are you doing here?
Does this feel right to you?

749
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:15,959
They're all liars, Dennis!

750
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,840
You look like
you could use another drink.

751
00:44:18,890 --> 00:44:23,440
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